Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Life in Limbo

A month from today I leave for my mission, and mostly everything I have behind. So lets get to it. Life in limbo. Being home has been bitter sweet, and it's been great to see everyone. Buttt Lets get real. REAL TALK. "Everyday may not be good, but there is something good in every day" I have bad days and i have good days. Some are worse then others but in the end its all good. Going on a mission is a hard decision in itself. There is no easy way and its a decision that i have to make every time i wake up. Now there is something that i feel that i should share with all of you. There are a couple main things that i feel that are hard to deal with about a mission. Shopping.Relationships.Friends.&Preparing
Sounds really girly and lame i know but hear me out! . 

First off shopping. Now for those who dont know missionaries have a certain dress standard that we have to follow. heres a link if you're curious :) sooo I go to BYU-Idaho. If any of you go there. its freezing, so basically my whole wardrobe consists of long sleeve shirts and jackets. I am going to GUATEMALA. It's hot, humid and last i checked, the weather this week was around the 80s. (which i am really excited for) Anyways so living in the new England area i do not have the pleasure of shopping at DI or Downeast or any stores they have out west. i know the whole Facebook group "Many are called.." is so great, really its awesome. its helped me out alot but mannnn. Shopping at stores here is crazy. Either everything is too short, too tight, or they are winter clothes. i would shop online but then again i dont wanna spend 20 bucks plus shipping and handling for just one a skirt. whats worked for me is basically shopping every chance i get.(in the clearance section of course)  like i found 4 skirts for 4 dollars each at a store that was going out of bussiness, and they were actually cute. You've made the decision & doing what the Lord wants you to, so He'll provide for ya, even if its a simple thing as finding clothes. Did i mention that i grew up with all brothers and shopping isnt my thing? 

Second Relationships. hahaha at this one i just gotta laugh a lil to try to cover up my pain. I have dated a couple boys before the mission and the first thing im always sure to mention is my desire to serve. It always goes the same way. "oh you wanna go on a mission thats cool , ya i'm fine with it"  when in reality they arent and then becomes a problem later on. I've heard the line "i'll wait for you" or " we'll see if it works out" so many times that it makes me wanna throw up. so here we go STORY TIME! so i got into about 2 serious relationships before my call. The first one was great and like i said my desire to serve caused problems, things soured and the relationship ended. It was really hard and i remember promising myself no more relationships till i was going on a mission. well guess what happened? hah yep ended up falling head over heels for someone. But this one was different. Everything was legit perfect. Seriously this made going on my mission so much harder then i thought. All i can say is that it is not easy leaving someone you love. It hurts. it hurts a lot. All you can do its let go and let God. I really don't know whats gonna happen with anything.  I just take one day at a time. I'm fine really, This is suppose to be a happy time for me. So i choose to be happy and i can honestly say that I am. The Lord has taken care of me throughout my life and never ceases to be there for me when others fail. So other sisters you are not alone just gotta keep remembering 
 "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding." (Proverbs 3:5)
"My son ( or daughter) , peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment;
 And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes." (D&C:121:7&8) 
"Behold, verily I say unto you, go from them only for a little time, and declare my word, and I will prepare a place for them." " Be patient in afflictions, revile not against those that revile. Govern your house in meekness, and be steadfast." (D&C 31:6&9)
Third Friends. Everyone is at school and life goes on. I see my friends having fun at college and i know that i'm stuck here. Legit i miss BYU-Idaho. I dont miss the weather but i miss the people. I come home having to face the reality of what is going on. Alot of my friends will graduate, get married and have kids. We will be at different stages of life and some, i just wont be able to visit which is sad :( Like i said being home has been bitter sweet. I've made new friends and been given the opportunity to strengthen friendships i already had. I go out and try to spend time with the ones i love as often as i can, for the amount of time i have left. I've tried alot of new things and i learn something new each day. I am continually shown who my true friends are through their honesty, love & support. I love each one of them and am so grateful to have them in my life.

Forth Preparing. Lets just say ill be a lil lost when i get out there. I think that you can prepare the best you can, but i think nothing fully prepares you to go on a mission until you hit the ground running. I'm trying as hard as i can to be prepared mentally, physically, and emotionally. I would like to think i am doing a great job but there is always room for improving. I could be studying alot more rather than spending my time writing this hahah. buts its all good :)  I still continue with the hour a day studying, 30 min studying a "mission prep" book, 30 min reading The Book of Mormon. I've added listening to some spanish tapes, its like a repeat exercise so helps me with my pronunciation so i dont sound too much like a "gringo". I've started working out to help me get use to walking around everywhere. " http://www.bodybuilding.com/fun/jamie-eason-livefit-trainer.html " Thats the program i follow seriously its great for anyone who wants to get in shape, its definitely helped me alot. I'm about 6 weeks in, i wont finish but it's worth it. 

Its crazy to think that i will be leaving in 27 days. I'm so excited, i'm nervous, and basically all the emotions that come with experiencing something new. Everyday is an adventure till i leave. I've been working at my job a lot and i am blessed to work with some of the best people this world has to offer. basically all my days consist of is work, studying, & sleep. I know some of the things i mention are small and i may just be whining. I'll probably look back and laugh about this, but this is life in limbo. I'm finding Joy in the Journey and i'm grateful that i get to share this experience with all of you! 

P.s- I'm putting together a video and i'll probably post maybe one more time before i leave! so be on the look out <3 

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